Girl Trends that Need to STOP

PREFACE : I do some of these things, too. That doesn't make them ANY less annoying.

This makes me sad. 

1. Speaking in "abbreves" - Obvs I do this. I should probs stop, esp since my friend Will told me that I was "better than that" when using 'totes' in a sentence. I AM better than that, natch. Adorbs! Brillz! Ugh. I think I'm going to vom. 
2. "OMG!! This is totes MY song!"- Its a two-fer! Ladies, as hard as it is to believe, this song is probably NOT your song. Have you met the singer/songwriter? Have you had a heartbreaking relationship with said singer/songwriter? No? Well, I hate to be the be the bearer of obvious bad news... but I'm super glad you can relate. Nothing like a good cry to a sappy country song. 
3. 124978 Products in the shower - Hey, self. Remember that deal you made with yourself last week in the shower to use up all of the shampoos and body washes in your shower before you buy any new ones? Riddle me this - why did you just purchase 6 lotions, shower gels, and bubble baths at Bath & Body Works this week?
4. Making dogs wear clothes - Le sigh. My mom has a 2.4 pound teacup yorkshire terrier and yes, when it is cold outside, Lexi wears a sweater to keep her tiny body warm. This is the ONLY acceptable reason. If you dress your small dog as a ballerina, in a sundress, etc., I shun you. There is NO excuse to embarrass your medium-to-large size dog by dressing him/her up in clothes. They will (and should) resent you and possibly destroy your couch before you get home from work today. 
5. The kissy face/peace sign photos - Enough is enough. When is this going to end? It is not attractive. 
6. Facebook "models" / Self promotion - I don't really understand why people post photos of themselves (by themselves) for absolutely no reason. Does your ego really require that you get a thousand "OMG! You are sooo GORGEOUS!" comments? Perhaps you need a hug. I am a great hugger, so I've been told,  and will gladly offer my services! Exceptions: bridal portraits, family/maternity photos.This goes for the men, too. Cool photo of you, by yourself, in a tank top. I don't understand?  
7. A complete and utter lack of manners - Recently, I was working in San Diego and it was just lovely. Until I met a "lady" from New Jersey. She asked me to stop saying 'thank you' every time the waitress refilled my water/brought me something/etc because it was "obnoxious." Um, excuse me? This led to a discussion about 'maam' and 'sir.' She was shocked why I would refer to my dad as 'sir.' R-E-S-P-E-C-T. Find out what it means to me. Furthermore, why is it OK for people to run me over in Hobby Lobby without an "excuse me" or, I don't know, an "I'm sorry for trampling you?"
8. Excessive use of emoticons or punctuation - Looking at you, Mom. 
9. Overuse of Marilyn Monroe Quotes/Tattoos - We get it. If he can't handle you at your worst, he sure as hell doesn't deserve you at your best. Original! While I agree with this quote made famous by Miz Monroe, its passe, ladies. You can quote me on that. 
10. "I don't drink beer" - Hi, college called. I said this often when I was a freshman in college because I preferred the taste of McCormick's mixed with Sprite. And probably because I wanted to seem more sophisticated than my immature 17-year old self. (I wasn't.) My palate shifted by my sophomore year to favor the taste of Miller Lite. Or Keystone Ice. Whichever was available. So now that I am a grown up, I find this excuse silly. As my girlfriend Jennifer put it, "No one says you have to do a keg stand, but you don't go to a Ranger game to drink martinis." Well said. 

SM