The Pros and Cons of being "One of the Guys"

On any given weekend (or Tuesday), you can probably find me at my favorite sports bar on Mckinney avenue. I like alcohol. I love sports. I love hanging out with my group of guy friends.

The guys’ girl – that’s me.

While I absolutely love my subscription to my shoe-of-the-month club, ShoeDazzle, and I wouldn’t give up my $30/bottle shampoo and conditioner, and am obsessed with Glee (don’t judge) – ultimately,  I’m the kind of girl who wants to wear my Yankees hat and drink a beer with the boys.

Last weekend, we were knocking back a few (dozen) and the guys were lined up on stools around the bar, shamelessly flirting with the hot bartender with huge fake cans. A few girlfriends and wives of said guys were at a high-top table directly behind the group. Why did I pull a stool up and sit at the bar with the boys and not the girls? It’s not that I don’t have much in common with these girls – I do. In fact, I completely adore each of them.  This got me thinking.

Why do I prefer the company of a bunch of rowdy, inappropriate, Jagermeister-influenced guys to girls when out and about? Here’s why.

Pros:

• Endless entertainment - Sorry ladies, but 8 times out of 10, girls just can’t tell a story the way guys can. The shenanigans they get themselves into and the complete disregard for their appearance and reputation is flat out comical. Have you ever heard a story from a girl that ended “…and then I was maced. Twice.”  I rest my case.

• Always have something to do – It’s Monday and I’m pretty worn out from my Sunday Funday, but I don’t want to sit around the apartment after working all 1/2 day. I want to get a drink, but I’m not an alcoholic, of course, so I need a reason to booze – what’s going on tonight? Faith Hill in her hot black dress and thigh-high black boots suddenly pops into my mind. Ding ding ding! Monday Night Football, of course. Obviously, the boys are out betting their hard earned money on games that don’t matter, but out nonetheless. Plans! Yes!

• Someone to do the “man stuff” around your place/car - I’m single and apparently like to leave my car lights on overnight (twice). I can’t be expected to own jumper cables – I am a lady, after all. Ring ring. “Hi. My car won’t turn on. Come over?” It’s nice to know that even though I had to email my man friend a tutorial on how to attach jumper cables to my dead battery, he still pulled through, got my car working again and – bonus! – took me to breakfast.

• Back up dates for weddings, etc - I can’t imagine many things worse than going to a wedding where you are, quite possibly, the only single guest. Children and love everywhere – sick. No thanks. What a dilemma. I know! I’ll trick one of the boys into going with false promises of hot and promiscuous bridesmaids and open bars. Jokes on them! By the time they figure out that I lied so I wouldn't be alone in my single misery, they just want to get drunk. And so do I. Everyone wins!

• Low drama - Guys don’t have the raging hormones that come with the monthly gift that women receive (lucky). For this simple fact, they are significantly less drama. For the most part, if they have an issue, there is no hesitation to say it to your face, whereas girls tend to sidestep around issues. “No... I’m fine. Not mad.” Meanwhile, they, in fact, ARE mad and telling everyone about it but you.

• I cook, they bring booze - This is elementary. Guys love food and most of them can’t cook anything more complicated than a hot pocket. Mass text: “Hey guys. Making fish tacos. Bring beer.” BAM. An hour later I have an apartment full of friends, food, beer, and tequila.

Cons:

• The Friend Zone - You’ve seen Ryan Reynolds’ fat ass in one of my favorite movies of all time, “Just Friends,” yes? If not, shame on you, but quick recap: Boy and girl have been friends since they were little and she’s not into him now that they are grown-ups because they have been BFF “furrrever.” This one is obvious. If a guy is telling you all about his sexual conquests and disgusting bathroom behavior, chances are, there will be no romance in your future. Sorry, sister. Your only hope is if they have a friend who you haven’t met yet and won’t judge you for spending so much time with these hooligans.

• Dealing with the revolving door of “lady friends” -  I've become a pro at this as of late. Sometimes, though, it’s just hard to keep track of who is hooking up with whom – especially when there is more than one girl at a time. Oy vey. “Oh, you are Kim, not Kelli? Sorry bout that…” I also get a kick when they tell me they are starting to get “serious.” Good luck with that.

• Potential arrests - Because we are a bunch of booze-hounds who enjoy a good Bear Fight shot or two, there is always the potential for trouble. Guys sometimes get aggressive after a few too many. Was it smart for one of my friends to drunkenly tell a cop to go fuck off? On a Sunday night? Probably not, but it made for a great story for the rest of us. Running defense with this crowd isn’t as easy as you might think.

• High bar tabs - We. Drink. A. Lot.  Far more than necessary or socially acceptable.  Often, I get anxiety when I open my bank account on Monday mornings, frightened of what I might see.

• Memory loss - See previous.

All of this being said, I wouldn’t trade them for anything. One of my girlfriends tells me all the time that I will remain single until I can ditch the boys. If a potential boyfriend isn’t cool enough/doesn’t fit in with this crowd – I’d rather be single.

SM