Things that I hate with the fire of 10,000 suns (part deux)

Well hello there, you darling people, you. All 4 of you. I've been busy with work and drinking and what not, so I haven't been inspired to write anything lately. I have kept a running list in my car of tiny things that annoy the shit out of me, though. But Shannon, haven't you written something similar? Why yes. Yes, I have. You can catch up here. These are all new annoying things. 

Here goes...

1. People who don't return their shopping cart to the shopping cart corral - Hey lazy, you just dinged my Ford Taurus (work car - don't judge) with your inability to be polite. 
2. When my mom reads my texts/emails over my shoulder - What's more annoying: how she reads them (in general) or how she completely denies reading them? You decide. 
3. When my mom assumes that every guy I mention is my new boyfriend - Mom, I'm single. Get over it. Besides, if you actually knew the guys I hang out with, you would probably want me to stay single. Forever. 
4. People who don't wash their hands after using the bathroom - GROSS. Chances are, I just told everyone within earshot that you are a disgusting human being. Good luck finding someone to sleep with you tonight!
5. Celebrities who dropped out of high school, yet still make a shit ton more money than me - So much for my 4-year out-of-state tuition. Sorry, parents. If I had known I could be rich and famous simply by making a sex tape, I could have saved you a ton of money. You'd lose all parenting credibility, but at least I'd be RICH!
6. Text speak - You are (probably) an adult. Please, for the love of God, spell out your words. U R a moron. 
7. Girls who don't introduce themselves -  RUDE. When I am sitting with my male friends and you bounce up and plop down, pretending as if I don't even exist, I hate you. I thought we lived in Texas, the mecca for manners? Apparently not. 
8. Supposebly vs Supposedly - Where exactly are you getting the "b" from, William Shakespeare? Supposebly is not a word. I repeat - NOT a word. I have an English minor from the esteemed University of Nebraska, so that makes me certified grammar police. 
9. When people get in their car in a crowded parking lot and screw around on their phone for 10 minutes - Give me your parking spot, you jerk. Clearly, I've been waiting for you to finish up your Words With Friends game for at least 6 minutes. There is a line of traffic behind me, but I refuse to give in to their pressure to move forward. I must have this spot exactly 15 steps closer to the door of my intended establishment!
10. When you are in the car with someone and they are talking on their cell phone - In the words of Michelle Tanner, "how rude!" Talk to me - not your mom about what she had for lunch. Never mind. Just take me back home. 
11. Crotch rockets zipping through traffic - This is how people die, you douches. I wish a thousand speeding tickets upon you. 
12. Writing checks to pay for things at Target and/or grocery store - Who still writes checks? True story. I was at Target last week and this woman had had 3 different cards declined, so she wrote a check. Over/under on if that one bounces...?
13. Customer service reps who don't speak English - Dear God this is the WORST. Not only have I been on hold for 15 minutes, but now I have to deal with someone who I can't understand. Hang up and have a cocktail. 
14. People who don't say "thank you" or even acknowledge you when you hold the door for them - Personally, I enjoy holding the door for a person who is on the cusp of the "do I hold it open for him/her even though they are a little ways away?" That means they have to do the awkward hurry up and run to make it to the door so not to appear like a total jackass. This makes me smile. 
15. The phrase "I could care less" -  Could you? You could care less? So then whatever you are referring to must be bothering you, yes? Because if it didn’t bother you, you would say you “couldn’t care less” – right? 

In summary, MANNERS MATTER.

xo,
SM